The Thirteen Malaises

The Thirteen Malaise

Compiled and edited by Dr. Frederick Van Hinkelswich

1933

Introduction

Since the discovery of self-awareness men have sought to understand and explain the conditions and phenomena of the worlds they inhabit. Not having the tools or know-how to probe deep under the hood of the natural world, they could only imagine what it must have taken to create it and the things that live there. Who could have designed the intricate workings of the human body? Different cultures created different- yet similar- stories of powerful beings that can create light simply by thinking it. Or they can hurl lightning, or can live forever, invisibly watching over their beloved or hated creations. The stories of these great beings get written down or remembered in songs and oral traditions and forever after they get passed from generation to generation and, once learned, are accepted as simple fact from birth to death.

There have been thousands (probably more) of these religions and metaphysical ideologies throughout the worlds. Many are similar with minor tweaks, but believe me, all are wrong. All are based on conjecture and none can stand up to historical scrutiny.

Nevertheless, Let me assure you, there are powerful beings out there. Although they have power to manipulate the natural world- and they often fancy doing so- they did not create it. Some of them want men to believe they are gods or angels, but, just like you or I, they were born on a green earth, and they can die there.

To believe in these “gods” you don’t have to consult any ancient holy text. For proof of what I’ve said, all you must do is meet one in person. Throughout my planar travels, through much strife, I managed to interact with no less than eight of these powerful and colorful beings. Each encounter was more bizarre or wonderful than the last.

The travelers among you will have heard of the thirteen malaise. Also known as the thirteen divines on other planes. They have other names as well. In most belief systems, each one represents a condition of the human soul. In this humble tome, I shall describe in detail what I know of each one.


 Contents:

1. Skepticism
    Personifications: Lack of Faith. Disbelief. Explanation. Fear.

2. Acquiescence
    Personifications: Lack of Curiosity. Faith. Giving up. Satisfaction.

3. Nostalgia
    Personifications: The Good ol’ days. Homesickness. Conservatism.

4. Mortality
    Personifications: Old Age. Death. Running out of time.

5. Boredom
    Personifications: Curiosity. Liberalism. Spontaneity.

6. Disorder
    Personifications: Chaos. Messiness. Lack of Planning

7. Necessity
    Personifications: Hunger or Thirst. Poverty. Illness or Disease.

8. Squander
    Personifications: Extravagance. Missed Opportunities. Tardiness and Time wasting.

9. Vengeance
    Personifications: Anger or Rage. Envy and Jealousy. Justice.

10. Passion
    Personifications: Addiction. Unrequited love. Determination and Learning.

11. Distraction
    Personifications: Amusement. Procrastination. Art.

13. Oblivion
    Personifications: Forgetfulness. Ungratefulness and dismissal. Stupidity.

Editor's Note: The above text comes from the first two and only remaining pages of a leather bound book found on a library book shelf in a delapidated and burnt out castle of north eastern Scotland. The rest of the pages were torn out and no where to be found. It should be noted that the book showed no signs of burn damage even though the rest of the books surrounding it were damaged beyond legibility by fire sometime in the late nineteenth century. The library itself was located on the basement level, the entrance of which was blocked by large stones that had once formed the castle foundation. The reader may also notice that there are only twelve names or chapters listed on the contents page. These facts lead to only some of the many unanswered questions surrounding this mysterious tome.